The Bloody Mary Diet: The Detective Adele Series Book 1 Read online

  Chapter 1: Late

  I honestly have no idea why we still even have a land line. Seriously, it’s like a twenty dollar a month fee to allow telemarketers to harass us. We don’t even use it. I don’t think that my Gran has answered it since Poppi left us and that’s was ten years ago. She’s afraid he might want to come back. I don’t blame her for not wanting Poppi and his out of control penis here but I am sick of answering the damn phone. I should not be made to suffer for the fact that a man I barely remember couldn’t keep it in his pants. That’s all I am saying. And I don’t want whatever they are selling and if I did they would not have to call me. I would call them. All this trying to predict my needs is just pissing me off and no, I don’t own a damn time share.

  Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. The phone call came at 9:54 and that means that by noon Gran will be on her second drink and I will be late to work because I can’t leave her alone and I can’t make her stop drinking. She insists that if you put fruit juice in it you can drink before noon and as long as you don’t drink alone you are not an alcoholic. That means that I will also be on my second drink by noon and so not only will I be late I will in all likely hood be drunk. Thank God for public transit and the fact that my boss wants to do me or I would be unemployed by now for sure.

  Trevor and I have an on/off, love/hate relationship. He would love to get on me and I hate him. That’s not true, I don’t really hate him, it’s really more that he scares the living shit out of me and that pisses me off. If I was on facebook, which I am not, I would probably say our relationship was “Complicated”.

  He is judgmental sometimes but he gives me a ride to work and doesn’t mind if I am not always completely sober when I get there. I am not saying it’s a healthy relationship but it works for us. I still need to get rid of the stupid phone so that Gran will sleep until after noon when my Auntie Charles gets here and he can drink with her and they can go to coven or whatever they are up to that particular night. No matter what Gran says you cannot live on Bloody Marys alone. Or maybe you can. Fuck if I know.

  By the time Charles gets here it is almost one and there is no way in hell I will make it to work by two but I won’t be really late, late and I am only down three drinks. While I am getting dressed my cell rings. Its Trevor, shit.

  “Cate speaking.”

  “Hey Cate, Trevor.”

  Me, “I have caller ID, Asshat.”

  Trev, “And I have you on speed dial but I wasn’t going to be a bitch about it.”

  Me, “Sorry, what’s up?”

  Trev, “You need to be on time today. You have a visitor coming. Someone important.”

  Me, “Shit, that would have been way more useful three hours ago. The phone woke Gran up at before 10am.”

  Trev. “Sweetheart, most people do not need a four hour advance warning to be at work on time and sober.”

  Me, “And most people don’t live with my Gran, Mr. Judgemental. I will be there as soon as I can.”

  Trev, “I am on my way to get you.” Click

  He hung up!! I don’t even have on makeup, he can’t be on his way, FUCK. I jump into the first pair of matching heals I find and grab my makeup bag. I can put it on in the car.

  Trevor is by far the hottest guy I know and my boss so I really should put more effort into trying to impress him. The only reason I don’t is because I have known him my entire life and while no one has actually said it he probably babysat me a few times. There was definitely a long portion in my life before I became an adult that he was the only responsible adult I knew. He may still be.

  Did I mention Trevor is a vampire? Well if I didn’t: Trevor is a vampire. If I have my facts right and I am pretty sure I do he is about 450 years old but he looks about 23. HOT.

  Trevor and I have a long history. It goes back to before he was captain and even technically before I was born. My Gran was Trevor’s first partner when the Odd Squad was formed in the early 1930’s. I think he might have been in love with her but after about four years on the job Gran went crackers and Trevor got promoted. Life went on and now Trevor looks after me. It’s a long sad story and I will tell it sometime when I have had a few drinks and Gran and Trevor aren’t here. Which is never. Better to do it now. Right now.

  Trevor knows Gran better than most people. Probably better than me. He and Gran were partners in the early1930’s. She was one of the first female cops on the force and the first on the Supernatural Investigations Unit (SIU). He had a thing for her but she is a seer and she always told him that it was not meant to be.

  When I was 18 years old and thinking about joining the force I started digging through a trunk that had some things in it from Grans days on the Odd Squad with Trevor. In the bottom I found three old books that covered the history of the Roanoke Colony, commonly referred to as “The Lost Colony”.

  The pages of the books had been folded at the top in several places and a copy of a letter was folded in the back of the third one. Along with the letter were a few pieces of correspondence between my Gran and a professor at Oxford dated October 1931.

  The letter that caught my attention was a copy dated September, 1587. It was written by a man named Trevor Renaud Smith, a soldier and experienced sailor, who had accompanied the colonists. He, along with the appointed governor, John White, had intended to establish the colony as an English foothold in the New World. By that fall it had become apparent that the colony was extremely under stocked and ill prepared to survive.

  Governor White returned to England to petition Queen Elizabeth I for assistance. By the time he was able to return three years later the colonies inhabitants had disappeared without a trace. The only clue as to the whereabouts of the remaining colonists was the word “CROATOAN” carved into a post at the fort.

  The correspondence that Gran had requested was a letter that Trevor Smith had written to his father and sent with Governor White on his return trip to England. It conveyed his intent to stay with the colonists and assist in protecting them until aid arrived. He had met and fallen in love with a young woman who was among the settlers. She is not named. He was never seen or heard from again.

  Along with this letter was a type written letter signed by Trevor R. Sterling. The signatures match. The old fashioned scrolls are unmistakable. Ten of the letters are the same, the six of the first name, the middle R. and three of the last name. The slant, size, and style are unmistakable.

  In addition to this one of the books shows a crude black and white copy of a portrait of Trevor Renaud Smith and his family painted circa 1581, when he would have been about 17. I looked the picture up on line, it still hangs in a small museum just outside of London. The young man in question is quite tall with very black hair and light blue eyes. Without question it is the same person that Gran was partnered to and I have known since birth. Trevor R. Sterling, alias, Trevor Renaud Smith.

  As a side note, the sir name Smith is associated with families whose heritage goes back to the silver smith business. Hence the last name Sterling, as in silver, as in silver SMITH.

  Grans partner was a man born in 1564 that had disappeared along with some 140 others in 1587. Sometime shortly after he must have been changed because he looks 23 still to this day. By my estimation that makes him about 450 years old.

  All that aside, Gran worked with Trevor and to the best of my knowledge she never asked him about the information she had found. I am not sure what even linked Trevor to the colony in her mind in the first place. The only explanation I can think of is that she is a seer and something in her abilities tipped her off. I will probably never ask and she probably wouldn�
�t remember even if I did.

  He is still the hottest man I know.

  Long story short, she went crazy. She was a seer with necromancer tendencies and she who saw too many horrible things she couldn’t forget. Hazard of the job. Then she quit work and married the biggest mistake any girl ever made, my Poppi.

  It’s a sad story but true. I still see him, Trevor not Poppi, looking at her sometimes and I wonder. She is a full Sawyer witch and she doesn’t age per say. She and I could be sisters on her good days but she is fading. I can feel it. Someday soon she will be gone and I think that my Auntie Charles will go with her. They are twins and have never been apart, I don’t think he could live without her and vice versa.

  Charles doesn’t look a day over twenty but he didn’t have the trauma of four years on the SIU and a horrible marriage. Gran looks about twenty four or five but she talks and moves like someone much, much older and it gets worse every day. Her memory is almost gone. I will be lost without her but she has done her time and she deserves to go. I won’t try to stop her but I will miss her horribly.

  You cannot save them all. Some days I feel like I can’t save any.

  But back to the here and now. By the time I am out the front door Travis is pulling up out front. Heals were a bad choice. I stumble down the stairs and hop into his Crown Vic. I swear to God, could it be more cliché. Trevor is pissed at me again. I really should be nicer to him. I am really lucky to have him.

  When we get to the station Trevor drops me off to go park and I walk straight to my office. If I can get some coffee down maybe it won’t be so completely obvious that I have been drinking. As I open my door I realize that I am too late. Whoever my visitor is he is already in my office and he brought a friend. Awesome.

  They stand up as I try not to fall down and I walk over to greet them. The taller one looks very familiar but I am not sure why.

  He introduces himself as Marcus Stevens and the other man as his attorney, Brian Radly. I tell them my name, Catherine Adele, and ask them what I can do to help them.

  Mr. Steven, the one who looks familiar also looks nervous and I guess that’s why Mr. Radly speaks for him.

  He says, and I quote, “There is no easy way to say this but we are here regarding your grandmothers will. Your father wanted to meet with you and go over the details together.”

  I am at my chair by the time he is finished talking and I know that they must have the wrong person. Thank God, because no way would I want to meet my father for the first time when I am tipsy with no makeup and late to work.

  I smile and inform Mr. Radly that he must be mistaken because I do not have a father and my Gran would never be responsible enough to write out a will, ever. She doesn’t even get the mail. Plus she is at home and very much alive with my Auntie Charles watching their stories.

  Mr. Stevens, the one that looks familiar, clears his throat and says, “I believe that I am your father.”

  He doesn’t just look familiar, he looks just like me. Fuck.

  Chapter 2: Fuck

  My name is Catherine Olivia Adele. I was born in 1990 in San Francisco, California. Everyone who knows me calls me Cate. I am currently 23 years of age and I live with my grandmother, Elanore Adele in a quaint Victorian house that has been in our family since it was built in 1880 by my great, great something grandmother. I would move out and find my own place but the rent here is free and my grandmother tends to drink too much. It is best to have someone from the family here to drink with her because no one else could ever keep up. It really works out best this way for all involved.

  I work for the San Francisco, PD in the same branch as my Gran did. We used to be called the SIU. We handle the crimes that are too weird for the regular PD. To be clear in San Fran there are two types to anything, strange and stranger, weird and weirder, scary and scarier. We get the second type of case. We are the Odd Squad.

  Odd Squad is made up of supernatural’s who are good for investigating crimes of any kind but especially ones that fall outside regular parameters. Like werewolf attacks and vampire killings, ghost intrusions and things that just creep regular people out. Odd Squad does not attend regular police academy because we scare the other recruits out and you can’t teach someone how to be a werewolf or a seer or a vampire anyway. We get firearms certification and our own building. After two weeks I had one badge and a gun. I was officially Odd and I have been ever since.

  At first my grandmother was against my joining the force but during a bender that she went on just before I started the Odd Academy I convinced her that the whole thing was her idea and now she supports me fully. Plus it pisses off my mother and that is a bonus in Gram’s book not matter what I do. My mother is a wealthy social lite who has never held a job in her life and I doubt has ever even painted her own nails.

  She is also one of the few women in our family to be born with no majik tendencies what so ever. My Gran always said that my mom could not put a rabbit into a hat much less ever pull one out and on that point I must agree. She also has no since of humor except when it comes to picking out new stepfathers for me. The latest being no exception. He is positively comical and my mother only makes it worse by standing beside him at social events.

  The contrast is like putting a swan next to a morbidly obese otter with a bad comb over. The man has hair on every part of his body except the top of his head and the bushiest mustache I have ever seen and short, stubby arms and legs. Someday I am going to take him to the pier and throw him in with a couple of oysters just to see what happens. Twenty to one he floats on his back and cracks those fuckers open and eats them raw.

  I honestly would think that she had married him just to be mean except that he fit her profile to a T. Much older, very wealthy and scared to death of her. I do not blame them. The woman is terrifying. He is her fifth husband and she has never been divorced. That’s right, widowed four times and she is barely forty. For those of you who are bitchy enough to be doing the math and you know who you are that means I was born when she was seventeen. Well gotcha bitch, she was sixteen. My birthday comes first. I am February and she is October.

  I never knew my father and if my mom did she will not say. I always used to pretend it was David Bowie or something but mom would never do anything that interesting. My mother is now a pillar of virtue and I am pretty sure that if it comes up mommy insists it was immaculate conception.

  She also does not drink, smoke or take medication of any kind and she never has. She will tell you this the first time that you meet her. I will warn you in advance to her steer away from this topic. In addition to being priggish and opinionated she is a crashing bore and exactly the type of person who could benefit from a drink and some prescription meds. At least now I have one witness who will contradict the virgin birth thing. Ha, gotcha bitch. We are not close.

  Anyway, just as Darth Vader is making his announcement Trevor walks in. He takes one look at my startled face and turns on the other two men. Trevor can be really scary and loud and emotional, especially for someone as old as he is. He has never actually told me his age but I do have the information on the Roanoke Colony so like I said, 450 years old give or take. That makes him very old and very powerful. I have never really had much reason to test the powerful part but I am willing to believe it today.

  Trevor has been Captain of the Odd Squad ever since anyone can remember but right now he is just a perpetually twenty something horny guy defending the current object of his dubious affections. Me.

  My alleged father and his legal representative look suitably horrified to be the focus of a pissed off vampires rage and I find this to be completely hilarious. Between the shock and the alcohol I can’t stop laughing as everyone crowds into my tiny office, some with their hands on their firearms. Working for the Odd Squad is so cool.

  All eyes are on Trevor as if to say, “should we shoot them?” Detective Michaels is looking at him more like, “can we shoot them” but he is one of the younger ones who totally lives for violence
and forgets about the paperwork between times. Long story short no one gets shot and everyone but me, Captain Trevor and my visitors leave.

  If you don’t know much about vampires let me tell you they are very territorial and very possessive. Right now I am not sure if Trevor is going to kick their asses or pee on me. I am hoping for the first option but since I showed up late and a little drunk I guess I should just let him do whatever works for him. He actually picks a third option that had not occurred to me and asks what happened. Very mature on his part. Two points for Trevor.

  This leads to the retelling of the father and grandmas will story to which Trevor responds that I don’t have a dad and he knows damn sure that Gran would never consent to writing a will. Exactly what I said.

  Then he notices the similarities between me and Mr. Stevens.

  Trevor says he will leave us alone to sort out family business and I silently curse him for the coward that he is. Not really.

  Mr. Radly is very ready to get down to business as soon as the door closes. I get the feeling that he doesn’t get threatened everyday and is not as used to it as the rest of us at the Odd Squad. It is probably for the best that he doesn’t work here.

  Mr. Radly tells me that they don’t want to take up company time but that if I am amenable we could meet for dinner after I finish work. Since I didn’t drag in until 2:20 leaving early is probably not a good option and dinner at 11:00 pm doesn’t work for most people on a week night. Apparently my new dad and his legal guy are the exception and they say they will pick me up as soon as I get off work. Good thing I have my makeup.

  They leave and I get to “work”, by which I mean I find Jan, the only other woman who works here and tell her the horrific story of the telemarketer who woke up Gran BEFORE 10am to ask about a time share I don’t own leading me to show up to work slightly intoxicated and twenty minutes late. She already knows about my new dad and his legal guy. Gossip travels really fast in such a small space.

  Jan, always the practical one, points out that if his attorney is willing to work those hours my new dad must be loaded and asks if he was wearing a ring. She is an unmated werewolf and I think it is starting to affect her brain. At least I hope it is because it would really be a shame if she had always been this strange. I honestly did not notice the ring thing but I tell Jan she would make a great step mom and I would let her know. She gives me a big hug and says congratulations on the new dad. She really would make a good step mom.